A Personal Post, A Call to Connect

I have started this blog post six different times. Each time, I stopped and erased everything I had written, worried that what I was writing would not accomplish all that I wanted it to accomplish.  This time, I am just going to keep writing and hope that the kind hearts of anyone reading will be enough to help begin something big.

Four weeks ago, I braved a world that I did not understand and joined Twitter as an educator.  I was instantly amazed, inspired, rejuvenated and captivated by what I found there.  There is this thriving world of teachers who want to learn and share and connect.  It is a place where people gather virtually in order to better themselves so that we can do better for our students.  It. Is. Incredible.

I felt as if a whole new world opened up to me.  Teaching can be a really lonely profession.  It can feel very isolating if we let it.  Too often, we get caught up in the day to day chaos to step outside our classrooms and really connect with the people we work with.  Too often, we fear being vulnerable, so we stay hidden inside our rooms, in the comfort of what we know.  We don’t mean to, but we isolate ourselves from the very people who can make us stronger and better. I know, because I have let it happen to me.  Twitter is starting to change that for me.  I have been able to connect. I have been inspired. I have found others who have already made me a better teacher, a better reflector, a better person.

Now, if teaching can be isolating and lonely for any teacher, it can be even lonelier and more isolating for gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered teachers.  I know this because I am a lesbian teacher and I have felt the effects of how isolating it can be.  Knowing the unique challenges that come along with being an LGBT educator AND knowing the power that Twitter holds to connect and support people, I have been playing around with an idea.  I don’t know exactly what it might look like, I don’t have any idea if I will be able to make it work, I don’t even know that I will be able to find others to join me, but I am going to try.

As far as life my life as an LGBT educator, I am very lucky. When I married my wife two years ago, I came out to my students, colleagues and community. For the most part, I was accepted and celebrated in the most beautiful way.  And no one has been as accepting as my students.  It is a powerful thing to witness.  But, before that, I was not out. I kept a large part of my life hidden. I feared any moment when I would have to choose between lying to my students or outing myself by simply answering a question.  I felt my heart skip a beat every time a student asked me if I had a boyfriend or if I lived by myself or even what I did over the weekend.  Because kids DO ask.  Especially kids in classrooms where teachers and students respect each other as human beings and where things don’t run with just one person standing in front of the room asking the questions.  So kids asked. A lot. And I tried to find creative ways around the truth, but really I was just lying.  I was keeping a part of myself from my students and I hated it.  The single most important thing that I hope to teach my students is to accept themselves EXACTLY as they are and to be proud of the people that they are.  How could I teach this if I, myself, was not being honest about who I was? So when I got engaged, I knew it was time to make a choice.  Either I would come out or I would lie. I would have to remove my engagement ring when I went to work. And that was not something that I was willing to do.  So I came out.  And like I said, I was pleasantly surprised by the warm reactions.

So things are getting better.  They are.  They are so much better now than they were even when I started teaching eleven years ago.  Things are getting so much better that sometimes it is easy for us to fool ourselves into thinking that there are no more issues for gay educators.  But, do a quick Google search and you will see stories like this one or this one or this one. And then you realize that we still have quite a ways to go.

Some LGBT educators are out in their school communities.  Some have experienced similar warm receptions as mine. Other LGBT educators choose not to deal with the issue at all for fear of what fallout it might bring.  And still other LGBT educators go to extreme lengths in order to hide parts of their lives from their schools because they simply feel unsafe being out. They fear loosing their jobs, they fear parents’ reactions, they fear repercussions from administrators or they fear the comments of their students.  These are all still very real fears for a lot of educators. So we have come a long way indeed, but we still need more. We still need to be there for each other.  We need to support each other.  We need to be able to lean on each other as LGBT educators.

But first we need to find each other.

Enter Twitter.  I am hoping to be able to start connecting LGBT educators via Twitter and to perhaps begin a weekly or monthly or even one-time chat where we can come together to discuss issues that we face in our schools, to discuss how to make our schools safer for LGBT students and teachers, and to support each other in those unique challenges that sometimes it is nice to know that we are not the only ones facing. I want to be able to find a place on Twitter where LGBT educators can connect with and support each other.  I have not been able to find such a place yet, and so I am hoping that perhaps, just maybe, we can start to create one.

But I need the help of anyone who might happen upon this post.  Because finding LGBT educators is not always the easiest thing.  Sometimes, people are afraid to mention that they are LGBT for fear of it causing problems at their schools.  Other times, it is just not something that is mentioned because it might not be a part of an educators small Twitter bio.  Other times, teachers might not think that it has anything to do with them as a teacher and their lives in the classroom.  But I believe it does and I believe that there will be so much power in bringing a group of people together who can talk about life as LGBT educators.

So if you are able, please pass this blog post along.  Help me to get the word out. Help me to begin to create a space that is needed. If you are an educator, and you know someone who might be interested in connecting with this kind of community, please pass this blog post along.  If you are an LGBT educator and you, yourself, would be interested in connecting with this kind of community, please reach out.  Leave a comment.  Contact me via Twitter @JessLifTeach or email me at jlifshitz@northbrook28.net.  Thus far, it is has been hard to find other LGBT educators to connect with, but I know you are out there.  I know that you, too, have felt how isolating it can be.  And I truly believe that there is a need that can be filled by Twitter if we are willing to reach out and start connecting.


29 thoughts on “A Personal Post, A Call to Connect

  1. Jess…. I can see why you started over several times. The last time, though, was the charm. A heartfelt and heart-tugging post. I’ll retweet your link. I hope you are able to get a group together. We all need support from varying groups in our lives. Good luck!

  2. I’ve shared on Facebook. I think bringing together lgbt voices to discuss place in education is a promising endeavor and i’m with you! I’ll be looking for the tweet chat announcement.

    • Thank you so much for that comment. It really inspired me to keep working. While the support for his blog post has been tremendous, there have been very few LGBT educators who have reached out. I know that they are out there though and will keep working to connect us. I will be sure to let you know about the Tweet chat. I am thinking early August!

  3. Pingback: You have shared, now what? #LGBTeach | Crawling Out of the Classroom

  4. Great post and what bravery. You are so right we need to honour all and be fine to celebrate who we are, no matter who we are. Thank you for posting this. I have retweeted.

    • Thank you so very much for passing this message along. I have been so incredibly touched by the support. I have seen that there absolutely is a need for discussions like these to take place. Thank you again from a very deep place!

  5. Thank you so much for this post! As an LGBT educator, I know all too well the feeling of isolation as an LGBT educator. I have had several discussions with my colleagues about how I feel I’m “the only one” when I know that is not the case. Thank you for sharing this and starting this effort! I look forward to taking this journey with you, and can’t wait to connect!

    – Victor

    • Thank YOU for reaching out. Since I posted this, it has been amazing to me to see how many people have reached out and said that they have felt like the only one. There is obviously such a need to bring us all to a place where we can draw strength from each other’s experiences and existence! Are you on Twitter? I think it will be an incredibly powerful place to connect?

  6. Pingback: It’s Time to Chat…#LGBTeach | Crawling Out of the Classroom

  7. Pingback: The Power of Telling Your Own Story | Crawling Out of the Classroom

  8. When I started teaching 13 1/2 years ago, my teammate was a lesbian. I say was because she was a lesbian battling cancer, and she lost that battle three years into my teaching career.

    My colleague was not open about her sexuality, nor did she need to be. One day, a student made a derogatory comment about this other teacher and I being in a relationship. Now, I am a friend and an ally of the LQBTQ community. The comment itself was not upsetting; it was the manner in which it was said. My colleague, to state it nicely, put that child in his place, making it clear that nothing about our personal lives was any of his business and that people can love one another without being romantically involved.

    Fourteen years ago, I do not think this woman could have revealed to our students that she was gay without there being some sort of backlash. Today, I think she would be a bit safer. I really hope that wherever she is now, she is reading this post over my shoulder, expressing gratitude for the gains that have been made.

    I appreciate and applaud your courage, and I hope things have been going well since you first wrote this post. You are loved.

  9. I’m an LGBT educator and want to be part of this. I am working on making my lessons gender and sexualities inclusive in Chemistry.

  10. I am so glad you are wanting to start this.
    I work at an elementary school as a yard duty, classroom aide and after school program. This summer I am working at its summer day camp. Over the years, during my experiences working in schools, I have been asked if I had a girlfriend. I’ve always had to lie or just avoid the question. I’ve also had students say I act and talk like a girl. I felt I couldn’t be myself as a proud gay man who’s been out for 8 years. A few days ago I had a student ask if I was gay, and I said yeah. It was the first time I came out to a student. I couldn’t take lying anymore. After that incident, I thought how I wish there would be a group for LGBT educators to get together. Count me in!

    P.S I have never used/had a twitter so I’ll have to train myself. Could there be a possible facebook group too?

  11. I’m fairly new to the LGBTQ life and an educator. During my schooling to be a teacher my then husband told be he was transgender, so during my entire undergraduate degree she transitioned into my now beautiful wife. I just finished my first year teaching and I told my students, staff, and parents that I have a wife. Completely terrified what would happen. It went wonderfully and my students especially were fantasticly accepting. I’m quite fortunate to be teaching partners with another gay teacher so we have loads to talk about. I don’t consider myself gay but I love my wife and I fully accept how society does view me as gay which is fine. If someone does ask though I do tell them I am not. It has been a crazy ride but I wouldn’t change it for the world!

  12. Congratulations. You are precisely the kind of example kids need – honest, empathic, caring, kind and committed to teaching and learning. You will undoubtedly find your tribe here and elsewhere too. You are the kind of outstanding teacher that inspired me to write this short piece:

  13. I would love to connect in a chat! As a preservice teacher it is a challenging to balance being true to yourself while making the best impression and hopefully landing a job!

  14. Thank you for this lovely post. I realize that it is almost three years old but it is still poignant today. Coming out was a slow process for me, but I truly believe the LGBTQ students st my school need to see me and need know it gets better and all things are possible!

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